Holding Out

I am an alien in a strange world. That can be the only explanation. Everyday I am gobsmacked at what I observe, what people are, and why (as far as I can tell) they would like to be that way. It blows me away. I'm not saying that different is bad. But I am saying that boring is bad, conformity is not so wonderful, and what is life without a little savor, some il-liberal, unrighteousness?(perhaps this is showing my maturity level) Some times I feel as if I missed a day of "life class" or perhaps did not get that universal instruction manual that tells me what to wear on my sleeves and what to hide deep within my cavernous flesh. Am I too honest? Do I lack the ability to mask my own doubts?
You've no doubt heard the phraseology designed to reassure you that there are people who, indeed think like you. Me too. But I've run into very little proof of the validity of that phraseology. Indeed, I do have some very choice and cherished friends, but our conflicts (personality, and otherwise) define our friendships. I do not think that abnormal, as my friend Misty put it, (roughly) when people who think differently discuss an idea, morals or situation, a greater truth can discovered.
I like to think that life could be a visceral experience, vivid, acrid, textured and exuberant--but I'm not feeling it.

I Will Not Be Friends With Your Mother

Lately I have been totally weirded out by Facebook. Not the program in general, but rather some of my friend requests. I like friends. I even like being facebook friends with people who are not really my friends at all. But I do not want to be friends with my friends mothers. That is weird. Why, on this very earth would that be acceptable?
We, as the almost grown generation in America need to find another sharing network that is either hidden from the un-computer savvy or to complex and exclusive for some peoples parents to use. End of story. So......if your a parent of somebody I know and I don't return your interest in being friends on facebook, know that it is not a personal insult; but rather, an ambiguous, anonymous insult.

Just a little Parallelism

Today I was learning about Hinduism, the idea of Karma and reincarnation. I can't help but draw parallels between Hinduism and my own faith; the idea of progression is one that stuck out to me.

The Hindu theory goes like this: Your soul is comparable to what is called Atman, it is inseparable from you, whatever form you take. It starts at a place called Brahman (which means, "World Soul, or Comic Power) Earth is a test, where you goal is to make it to Nirvana (The meaning of which is really unknown, nobody has ever reached Nirvana and come back to say what it's like) through individual Karma. I could say that Nirvana could represent Heaven in a Christian circle, however I think it would be wrong to interpret the meanings and terminology of a vastly different religion by identifying them with the more conventional terms of Christianity. Every individual starts as something very small, for example--a cell, a mineral, a sea cucumber; when that object you are incarnated as dies, your Karma is weighed by Dharma (through which every thought word or action in recorded) and you are reincarnated as either something larger and more complex like a dog or, dependant on your Karma, something smaller and less significant. If you were a good dog you then may be reincarnated as a horse and so on until you reach the station of human. Where you are born into this next life is a direct result of how Dharma weighed your Karma of the life(s) previous. You get more than one chance. Today you may be a beggar, in your next life, dependant upon the Karma you fostered you may be a exorbitantly rich Bollywood star.
When I think about changing myself I never think in terms of years, generations, or lives. The Karma I engender, I like to think, is as short sighted as I am. I think of change in weeks or maybe days even. But the most significant changes don't come in the blink of an eye, they are a lifelong pursuit. If not lifelong perhaps years in the make. Having a big-picture outlook is a healthy mindset.

I was also thinking about change. Change may be a noun and verb, but really it is a condition, a chronic one. I'm never done changing. Either through my own volition or my environment's I'm changing continually, whether I want to or not. All of this change and my ability to cope with or direct it is what makes me! I am a sum of experience. Experiences are episodes of change, either incremental or drastic--chosen or forced, that modify our outlook, priorities and our station in life.
I feel like this is true. But, I feel like this idea is another expression of the idea of choice and consequence, I feel like many of these things are true on this very same level they just use different means to express it.
So....moral of the story, be a good person, cultivate good Karma and change for the better. Sounds easy enough..................

Delicious Words

Words, and turns of phrase satiate me. I do consider myself of a literary nature and the familiar terms "feasting" and "voracious" describe the way I read. It is almost like sitting down to a meal every time I open a book. Comparatively some dinners are better than others, and at times, certain dishes answer cravings with vigor and others can be demure and lacking. There are different types of literary confection, the puckering short commentary, sharp witty flavor, and altogether shallow story make an excellent half an hour lunch. But, sometimes I am left in wonderment concerning the expanding properties of the metaphorical dinner meals. At their end I embark on feelings that go past physical satisfaction, but rather the words and their combinations do so please me, either through the exactness, and depth of their meaning, or the absolute felicitous ways they modify one-another. The phrase that started this chain of thought came from Patrick O'brian. As he writes, he creates a rift in time, and plops you down right next to his characters, I'm serious, you feel the sun on your face and smell the salt in the air. There is paragraph after paragraph of vivid description and narration. I was revisiting one of the Master and Commander Series and when describing a particular Admiral, O'brian used the phrase, "without compunction" instead of "on a whim" or "as he so chose" and it was the final stroke of perfectly fitting description, of noun and modifier. While the phrase was not overly complex or interpretable, it could not have been put better. Phrases like that make my heart glow, and fill me with the warmth of connection.

I know, I'm weird.

Some Thought

Lately I've been thinking about what it means to be a man. That is not exactly new thought, but I was thinking about integrity, virtue--like Greek Arete. The Greek believed that honor/virtue was gained through victorious battle. They showed their prowess on the battle field. In the same way, I believe that our own battles score us virtue/honor depending on how we fight them. While I'm not eviscerating people, I'm writing papers, trying not to kill the annoying people and finding ways to justify my own existance. Many of these things could be included in the idea of Manhood I'm talking about. Manhood not being somthing that you fall into when you get your girl pregnant, or start making more than 40k a year, but rather a way to expand yourself into your previoulsy unrealized potential. The greater ability be a vessel for good, and to be good by your family and friends, to be known as a man who possesess integrity and a discerning mind, not a mindless sex drone.
I always thought that the journey from boyhood to manhood centered around girls, employment and time. Recently it dawned upon me that being a man is a choice. And I believe that it is mostly effected by example. At some point a guy has to decided to grow up. The question is: but how? Thats why we have fathers, role models, ideologies and observant minds, our brains know that at some time we, as dudes, are going to ask ourselves what it means to be a man--and your brain wants to have something contrete to tell you. Everyone has an idea of what a man ought to be, and why.

I subscribe to what I guess I would call a neo-classical version of Man-ness. Man possesing classical knowledge but who is also up with the times. I don't know why the ameba in my brain that I label as man looks like this, but it evolved that way through my own obserations.
Maybe the best way to model the idea of the neo-classical man would be a comparison of possesions. I have a collection of books (that live in a closet because I'm afraid of sun damage) Half of my wardrobe consists of jeans and solid color t-shirts. However, I'm not afraid of shirts with buttons on them, or stripes, I always match my belts with my shoes and I do heartily believe that it's hard to beat a recently dry cleaned suit. But I have work clothes too; I have two toolboxes and a 1.5 ton hydraulic jack, a 4x4, a flyrod, a resist-all cowboy hat (that doesn't just collect dust), I change my own oil and have a whole drawer dedicated to keeping track of my running and lifting shorts and socks. I have one pair of dedicated running shoes, a heart rate monitor, two pairs of black dress shoes, one pair of kick-a everday kicks and a pair of boots, mixed in with the odds and ends of those shoes that have survived the last couple of years.
The neo-modern man is well rounded. Understands how to dress himself. He understands why a quad-core processor is awesome, is concerned about his health and subsequently his fitness, he also has a varied skill set, he can work with his hands and his mind and derives pleasure by both.

One last caveat...this is just one chain of random thought, personal philosophy and conjecture--all of which are elastic.